The Missing Link in Marriages
The # 1 Missing Link in Marriages….
And How You Can Instantly Create a Sense of Excitement In A Boring Or Lifeless Marriage
As a relationship coach I work almost exclusively with married couples who have been together for quite a while yet are almost like house mate rather than two passionate people ready to take on the world.
They have a solid commitment to each other and a love that represents all that they have shared. For the couples I work with this is not enough – they want more and they know that there is more to life and more to their relationship – they just need to find that missing link.
So what is it you ask? Well it is really simple – not brain science at all – the missing link is a dream. Yes it’s that simple; relationships go stale and flounder when there is no unified dream or vision.
When we first meet out partner we are full of excitement for the future – the dating, the proposal and engagement, all the wedding plans, buying a house, having kids…… and happy successful couples work together to achieve these dreams. They are united in creating their future together and find happiness in the pursuit of their dreams.
But what happens when you achieve all those things? What Dreams and Visions have you created to replace the old ones? What happens when you don’t?
Suddenly you wake up one morning and wonder What’s this all about? What’s the point? What do I do now? For many of the couples I work with, the wife has had her future wrapped up in raising the children whilst the husband’s focus has been on providing for the family - his future is about that promotion or new job. So when the children are grown and capable of looking after themselves, when he has climbed the corporate ladder – what’s next? What is the dream that creates a future worth working towards?
I’m not going to show you some in depth or convoluted plan for writing goals it doesn’t have to be complicated or difficult – it’s about relearning to create dreams, to move a little away from all the practical stuff that has driven you get to where you are now, and embrace your imagination and ask questions like “what could be next” or “what do I really want” or “How can my relationship be now the kids have almost gone?”
Without a common purpose, or a future that excites you, it’s likely that you and your partner are floundering in the ordinariness of everyday life. Or you will both be on different tracks, heading for a future that the other either doesn’t understand or simply doesn’t want. I see it happen all the time, because creating dreams and visions is not something they have learnt and practiced doing regularly together.
So before you wake up one morning and call it quits because you “want different things” or “you just don’t understand him/her anymore” spend some time working together to create Dreams and Visions for your relationship and for each other.
They don’t have to be huge or earth shattering, they don’t even have to be ones you tell your friends about BUT they do have to be a collaboration of what excites you both. Something that has you jump out of bed each day with purpose and drive, a future that calls you forward.
Here’s some tricks to help you along this path:
- Start by writing a list of what you have accomplished together already (marriage, kids, house….)
- Just write down all your dreams - don’t laugh or ridicule your partners dreams, simply record them as well as yours and see where they are similar
- Close your eyes and imagine - if you had perfect health, $20M in the bank, all the time in the world - what would you choose to be doing in 1 year’s time? Or in 5 years?
- Think about what your dream relationship would look like? What could you do to create that?
- Don’t allow thoughts of how hard it might be to get in the way - this is about no limitations! It’s about dreams.
- Once you have written down your dreams begin to make them more specific, add time frames and dollar amounts
- Most Importantly HAVE FUN!!!!!
Doing this one thing dramatically alters your relationship, going through this exercise opens up new aspects of your partner and allows you to make new and deeper connections. It is something I recommend my clients doing every 90 days (preferably while escaping for a weekend away together)
More about Yvonne Ralph
For those of you who want a more formal structure to assist you in creating Dreams and Visions for your relationship I have put together a work book “The Future of Our Relationship”. To get your copy, simply email yvonne@loveandconnection.com with Dreams and Visions in the subject line.
Yvonne has been coaching for more than 10 years. Yvonne and her husband has recently celebrated their 30th wedding anniversary and have 6 children and 2 grandchildren. “I have made lots of mistakes along the way and continue to learn what makes a truly great marriage. My marriage grows each and every day as I learn and grow as an individual, and I nurture and value my relationship as my greatest resource.”
Yvonne now specialize in Creating Magic In Relationships, because she believes that a strong relationship at home is key to success in any and all areas of your life. If you are interested in finding out more about how Yvonne could help you with your relationship, email her at Yvonne@LoveAndConnection.com for a FREE 15 minute chat where she will explore if this is right for you.